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Oh Crap: Another homestuck fan adventure

Panel #1
A young man is standing in what is apparently his bedroom. Today definitely is NOT his 15th birthday as you are fourteen and have yet gone around the sun yet again.

You also have a name. However since this is a homestuck fan comic on the forums, I cannot tell you what your name is. Instead, you will be named by the people stareing at you through their computer display modulators.

So, what'll it be? Whats this guys name?